4 words: hood of his car
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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