I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
