how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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