Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
