there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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