is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
