you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
