I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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