he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
