Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
