its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
