News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
