I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
