Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
