i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
