Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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