Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
