chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
