Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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