I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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