if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
