my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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