so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
