I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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