Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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