I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
