Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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