Kareoke will never be a sober sport
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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