we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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