And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
