hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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