so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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