Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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