i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
