I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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