last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
