That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The struggles of a small town man whore
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
