You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
