He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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