NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
