dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
