She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
