As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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