I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
