I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
