4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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