i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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