In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
