I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
