Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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