I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
