if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
