everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
