i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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