she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
