how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
